A Little Rain Page 3

  I move to stand up, shaking off Benny’s sticky paw and head towards the bedroom door. Hannah from the pub says, “Hey Ella. Can you work tonight? Louise’s just called and doesn’t think she can make it in. She’s feeling sick. She’s got a hangover.” I’m not happy at all right now so I think a change of scene will do me good so I say, yeah ok. Now Benny’s not happy either. I tell him the usual. I have stuff to buy and seeing as you never give me any money and don’t eat, I still have to.

  “I give you money,” he spits. “Here.” And he hurls a coin hard at me from his bedside ledge. It catches me right on the eye socket, just under my brow, dings off my piercing. It hurts, a lot, but I don’t let on. My throat is too tight to talk. I’m not going to cry so I just pick up my stuff from the floor, dress and leave.

  By the time, I’ve got to the bar, walking the whole goddamn long-arse way, chain smoking, fuming, I’m frostbite cold and damp to my bones. As I go in it smells lovely of beer, tobacco and cider. An invisible cloud of heat wraps round me. The red carpet looks invitingly warm. I go out the back first and sort out my damp hair and spruce up my face a little. Where the coin leaves a mark I dab on some beige concealer. It stings. A little pink gloss on my lips, and some black eyeliner too and I don’t look too bad. There are a few minutes still before I am supposed to start so I wait and sit on a bar stool. The surface of the floor is uneven. It wobbles uncertainly. Hannah makes me a coffee and asks if I am ok. Her eyes look closely at the angry red crescent on my face. She’s finishing soon, going out on the town, she tells me. “So, where are you going?” I ask.

  “Oh, just that bar at the end of the main road. Why don’t you meet us later? I don’t remember what it’s called.”

  “Ugh! I think I know where you mean. That awful place...” I say, and think of the creepy sweaty guys that stare at you, the cheesy disco music they play, the stickiness of the floor, and the broken glass under your shoe. “No thanks.”

  “Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, but the drinks are really cheap. Happy hour’s ‘til midnight, and girls get in free before 11.”

  “Yeah, well... ok maybe. I should be finished by about 12,” I say. “I might see you in there.” Yeah righto.

  “Ok. Cool.” she says.

  Then Louise strolls in. It feels like I’ve been working all of ten minutes. I like Louise but I don’t feel easy with her, always a little on edge. It doesn’t help that she’s always skint. Plus she owes me about a hundred cigarettes. Anyway, I say, “Hey Lou... Don’t tell me you’ve made me come in and waste my time!” I say, mocking yet friendly.

  “Elle, you’re a real doll. But I do need this shift. I really need the money.” She laughs almost as she says this. I don’t see why it’s funny. Maybe it’s a nervous laugh but she’s not a nervous type.

  Hannah, all-seeing all-hearing is over at the end side of the bar. She says loudly, “You really take the wafer Lou...” She turns to me, “Ella, as long as you don’t mind... Get yourself a drink, make it a double. Louise is buying.”

  “I don’t mind if I do.” I say. I pour a generous double vodka and coke into a tall glass filled with ice and poke in a pink bendy straw. Yummy.

  Just as I sit down to drink, my phone rings and my stomach lurches. I think it might be Benny and I would just not know what to say to him right now without it blowing it up into a row almighty. I’m still mad as hell but I still love him deep. It’s a strange feeling but I needn’t worry it’s not Benny, its Rob. Yay. “Whatya doing?” he says, sounding surprisingly happy and positive.

  “Nothing much. I was working, but not now. I’m just having a drink at the bar with the girls.”

  “Oh ok. Want to come for a drive? Just I’m going to Brixton. I thought we could go out clubbing after I’ve seen this mate of mine. I know how you like a rave.” I think now this could be fun. I love clubbing in south London. It will be more fun than carrying on like this. Doubles are expensive. A night out with Rob will be practically free.

  “Yeah, ok then. Cool. What mate do you have to see?”

  “Jon.”

  “Oh. Ok...” I say. I don’t know Jon.

  “I have to stop off quick and see someone else as well.”

  “Oh, ok. Cool. Can you pick me up? I’m ready now.”

  “Yeah, sure.” He says and cuts me off. My night is looking up. A big night out will do me fine, although we don’t and won’t talk about Benny or what happened earlier either. I buy myself a quick single and splash and I’m about half way through finishing when there’s a loud treble toot of a car horn from close-by outside. I down the rest of it in one and say quick goodbyes to everyone.

  I go outside and get in Rob’s car. “Can we stop by home please? I need to get stuff. Clothes and things.” He gives me a doubtful look. I smile, please.

  “Fine. It’s on the way. Just be quick, yeah?”

  “Ok, of course. I will be...” In the meantime, I look through Rob’s music and settle on some smooth drum and bass I find in the glove box. We stop back at the flat and I run from the car to my room and struggle for a while to find anything. I sit on the single mattress on the floor for at least five minutes, just trying to think. Trainers are already on feet and I’m wearing my coat. I pick up my rucksack and start to put a stop-out bag together. Boots. Socks. Joggers. A hoodie. Make-up. Wash-bag. Hair stuff. Going out clothes. That’ll do. Rob comes in also, about ten minutes after me. I hear him thumping around. He’s probably looking for cigarettes or something. He’s still ready before me and back in the car and revving loud, impatient.

  And we’re off again, drum and bass rolling. We drive for about twenty minutes or so. There’s a lot of slow moving traffic and a lot of red lights. It seems like forever as we don’t seem to be getting anywhere fast. This is London. Rob speeds like a devil when he gets a break. Eventually we park up, not too far from what looks like a reasonably nice looking pub. Dark windows, dark purple walls, a few dead plants in the flower troughs outside. “Let’s hope it’s got food,” I say optimistically. My belly is growling loud again, embarrassing now, like a storm getting up. He looks at me oh so sharp. I make an over-sad face back. He smiles. I sit at a table I find that isn’t too dirty, put my coat on the back of a chair that feels slightly sticky, and start looking at a tatty menu while he’s at the bar. Then as I get up to go join him, I realise I’m treading on a soggy chip under the table, now mashed in to the navy blue carpet. I join him at the bar to order food. Rob has already got our drinks. He only bought me a single. He’s drinking what looks like a pint of coke which is good. His driving is reckless enough sober even though he says he’s safe. I think he’s safe. Sometimes.

  While I’m still fussing about what food to order I watch Rob who’s gone away to sit down. He’s making a phone call, hushed, all whisper whisper. I can’t hear. He must be calling one of his people to find out about something or other. He spends so much time on that phone. So many people he knows. He seems to bump into someone wherever he is. I don’t know so many. Only a few. There are my best girl friends, who are really my boyfriend’s mates’ girlfriends. Then there is Rob of course, and Benny. The girls from the pub. College mates. The only other numbers on my phone are the hair salon and the pizza place, oh, and mum of course.

  From the window by our table I can see the pretty November sky, bright orange and dark purple and lots of pretty shades of grey. It’s so beautiful, makes me appreciate life for a minute. It’s a miracle we got here as we did and no police stopped us. Rob was a world away, distracted from his driving, pulling out to the side every time we stopped, trying to look ahead. He nearly hit someone twice. I guess it’s more of a miracle we got here at all. Anyway, I’m happy.

  We eat a dinner of toasted bacon sandwiches, ketchup in mine, brown sauce in Rob’s, and a small bowl of curly fries with cheese. There is too much butter in my sandwich. I scrape some out. I pull out what I can of the bacon fat too. The toast is a little burnt, but I cannot complain now I’ve drowned it in tomato sauce. I sprinkle t
hree small brown paper packets of pepper over the fries. With our food soon all finished, I get up to have a go on the fruit machine. Rob gives me money. He blames me for pressing the wrong buttons when I lose. He takes over, pushing my meddling hands away.

  I stop. I get distracted. A beautiful man just stole all my attention. He is very tall and built like an American football player. He has pale skin and dark spiked hair. He has a day or three of stubble and gorgeous wide brown eyes that are almost all-distracting from his once broken nose and big scar below his bottom lip. I’m about to switch on the smile and work my magic when Rob gets in front of me and shoulder blocks the guy. He grabs his hand violently and shakes it. They’re friends already. Actually, it doesn’t shock me any more, the amount of people he knows. “Jeez!” I say, smiling. “You’d better introduce me.” After they unlock hands and finish their what-ups they turn to me.

  “Jon, this is my sister, Ella.” I smile ‘Hi’ and lean forward and kiss him on the cheek. Trust Rob to say “my sister”, most likely putting the full stop to any plan I had of getting it on with the lovely Jon. “Jon’s friends with Tony,” Rob adds. This makes me like him slightly less. I can’t help raising my lip a little in auto-reaction but I don’t think he noticed.

  “Do you want a drink?” Jon asks in deep south London.

  “Vodka and coke. Thanks.” I say, liking him slightly more again. I’m left at the fruit machine. It’s still teasing me with its dancing lights as both men turn to the bar all close together again. I can only see their backs, both in black leather but it looks like they could be holding hands, playing scissor, paper, stone, or having a thumb war maybe. I turn back to the machine. I think I know what I’m doing when really I haven’t got a clue. I somehow win. I get so embarrassed when it makes big clunking noises and spits out money. I almost wish I hadn’t won as what seems like the whole pub turns to look. I put the coins in my hoodie pockets and look round to see that Rob is sitting at the table and Jon is walking towards me. Yikes. My heart beats a little faster. My cheeks start to burn.

  I feel stupid as he hands me my drink. “Well done, hey...” He says. “Next round on you” and with that he smiles and winks. I’m standing frozen to the spot, grinning like a fool and feeling sick in my tummy. I watch him turn and go over to sit with Rob. Only then my cheeks start to cool down. Foolio. I feel too silly now to go over and join them, so I turn back to the fruit machine. The coins are now burning a hole in my pocket.

  I think to myself. You’re so silly, Skit. Come on. Jon is just a guy, just another friend of Rob’s. He can’t be that scary. He must be ok. I think I’ll just down my vodka and coke. I splutter as I do. It must be at least a double as its strength socks me like a firepunch. I have a quick look round to check if anyone has seen me making a mess of myself. I shake the drops off my sleeve. I put some more coins in the machine and turn back to my drink. Braced for its strength this time, I drink it all in one go.

  The money seems to last. Usually I’m skint in a flash. I must be getting the hang of it I think, proud of myself. I kind of lose track of time when suddenly a hand slinks across my lower back and jolts me into reality. Someone’s standing right behind me. I move my eyes back without moving my head. It’s Jon. He smells good, of expensive aftershave, makes me think of rainforests. Nervous tension fizzes through me like electricity. “You ok?” He says.

  “Yeah,” I say, my voice raising a pitch or two, “I could do with another drink.” I’m absolutely stumped to think of anything else to say. He pauses behind me for an agonisingly awkward second or two before going to the bar. I use the time to compose myself and take a very deep breath that fills me right up with air to the top of my skull. I look round to see if Rob is watching me and he’s gone. There’s now someone else sitting at the table.

  It’s not long before Jon is back. “Here,” he says, hands me yet another glass.

  “Thanks,” I say. “Where’s Rob gone? Is he outside?”

  “No, he’s had to just go somewhere quick. He won’t be long. I’m your babysitter for now.” He says, with another wink.

  “Err... I don’t need no babysitter.” I say, offended.

  “How about a kiss then?” He says.

  I entertain the thought of getting it on with the lovely Jon, right here, right now but then I think logic, push him away, tut and say, “Rob would kill you.” I pause, “Anyway, I got a boyfriend.” Then I think, maybe I don’t. Well, I think I still do, but the thought of playing single there looked good for a second, only a second.

  “Do you want to play pool?” I say, bored now of the fruit machine. My confidence is starting to improve as the vodka kicks in evermore. I still have some coins left over from my earlier fluke win so I set the table. Jon stands next to me and shows me how to set the frame up properly. I never knew there was a right or wrong way, just that the black went in the middle. I am impressed. I keep sipping at my vodka as we play. Despite the Dutch courage, I feel hugely self-conscious, and feel myself burn up inside a little when I have to lean in and take a shot right in front of where he’s standing. He doesn’t move an inch. The drink keeps coming and it’s not long before I’m well on my way. I can’t play pool at the best of times and now I’m drunk it’s just embarrassing. I say to Jon we should stop before I do something stupid, or fall over. He laughs.

  We sit back at our now empty table and wait for Rob. The alcohol has squashed flat any fear of my brother, the Tony connection is forgotten and I’m getting cosy next to the lovely Jon on the crackled leather sofa. So cosy in fact he slips his phone into my hand and asks for my number. I feel a bit dizzy and this is quite a fancy phone. I don’t know what I’m doing so instead of trying find the address book, I’m just going to call my phone or I’m going try and call it. “I’ll call me.” I say, clumsily tapping the eleven digits in. My phone starts ringing. “Jeesh! This is a fancy phone. I don’t even need to press call, like the phone at home!” Then I realise my phone is actually ringing. I feel stupid as ever and wish I’d kept my mouth shut. Jon is in hysterics. I try to see the funny side too and laugh along but then I realise who’s ringing me and it’s not quite so funny.

  “Hi, Benny,” I say, and then unexplainably I cough, like maybe I’m trying to cough out the drunk in me. “Where am I? Uhh… uhh… I’m in college still,” thinking too late, the truth is always better and derrr it’s evening now. “What? Me? Errr….You want me? What?” Then he makes me feel guilty. He’s never usually like this. He starts talking the most ridiculous love mushy goo I have ever heard, but still, he does not say the ‘S’ word.

  “You’re missing me?” I say, flattered, incredulous. The mush continues and I can barely pay attention to this rarest of things, as Jon runs his hand up my arm and across my shoulders. “Err… I have to call you back.” I cut him off and before I even know what’s happening, Jon and I are kissing. Wow. He is good. His soft lips bite mine gently. I’m floating someplace between heaven and earth and when I close my eyes something jolts me like an electric shock but different. Like an invisible train crashing into me, making me dizzy, pushing us apart. Before I can even begin to think about what weirdness just happened Rob is back.

  Thank Good God for that. Whatever that was, I say in my head. That was close. Jon is like nothing has even happened. “What’s up?” I say looking at Rob, realising I don’t know a lot about the situation now. Rob raises his eyebrows as he looks at me. He’s seen my drunk eyes, and his eyes are silently counting the empty half pint glasses on the table. He’s ok, I hope. I don’t think he would think I’d have the nerve to pull his mate or that his mate would be so stupid but now, I know he’s not going anywhere.

  “We’re out tonight. That’s all that matters for now.”

  “But... Where’ve they gone?” His silent response means maybe he doesn’t know or maybe just doesn’t want to say. I think to make the best of things and say, “Well, Saturday is still all day, and all night, and then you’ve got Sunday too. So that’s good.” Something is alwa
ys better than nothing. “Did you speak to Marcia or just Mrs. Diaz?”

  “Just Mrs D.” Rob’s says. I know this probably means if he has tried speaking to Marcia her phone is probably off or she’s rejected his call. She knows how to wind him up. It’s only the beginning of the weekend and already she’s made sure it has started badly. No point dwelling on the negative.

  “So what are we going to do tonight? It is Friday.” I say. “Let’s go out on one!” Rob almost breaks a smile while he’s busy staring at nothing and this makes me smile too. I am enjoying the almost-smiling silence for a few seconds when Jon starts talking blah blah about the clubs and bars nearby, like I don’t know. Maybe he thinks I’m a kid.

  I say I need to go somewhere to get changed. I feel like I’m looking a mess, drink stains and all, plus I need to get ready before we go out, which could take time, especially now I’m a bit drunk. Outside it is getting very dark. It’s still damp but not raining now. Streetlights glisten on wet tarmac as we step outside. We’re going back to Jon’s place. It’s not that far but we’re going to drive. But first we all have to stop to admire Jon’s car, a dark grey sporty, flash convertible. I peer in through the open door to have a better look. I misjudge my step and fall forward. My face hits the passenger seat. It feels damp, sticky, and smells of something slightly chlorinated and sweet. Urghhh! I definitely need a shower now. I clamber back out, deciding definitely to go in the car with Rob.