A Little Rain Read online

  A Little Rain

  By Dee Winter

  Text copyright © 2012 Dee Winter

  All Rights Reserved

  “...into every life, a little rain must fall.”

  Thanks to Elizabeth for the knowledge and to Jo for the push.

  Without you both, this would not be.

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  1

  Good Morning

  2

  Voices

  3

  Friday Night

  4

  Saturday Starts

  5

  Saturday Later

  6

  Getting Home

  7

  Getting There

  8

  First Date

  9

  The Hangover

  10

  Monday Afternoon

  11

  Monday Night

  12

  Hospital

  13

  The Morning after Pills

  14

  The Dead Walks

  15

  Let’s Leave the Kitchen

  16

  In the Car

  17

  Father’s Day

  18

  Moving Out, Moving On

  19

  The Haven

  20

  The Beginning

  1

  Good Morning

  A giant lizard eats people in my dream and I wake with a jolt. Roar! A pain spikes in my chest like a mini heart attack. I gasp for air like I have been holding my breath the whole night. I force myself to sit up. I then stand on the cold carpet in the dark. I smile, stretch out my arms and do a little dance. I bang my hip on the door frame as I head to the bathroom. Ouch. Another purple bruise. I quickly wash, dress, make up and leave.

  I wait an eternity for the traffic lights to change so I can cross the death-trap road and get in to the grand old college building. I hear the hum of voices and smell coffee and fruit juice. The cloakroom lady says good morning and tells me my fly is undone. I go into the toilets that smell strongly of bleach and I check myself. I don’t look too bad. My hood has made my hair flat so I scrunch up my black curls with cold water and make them wetter still. It’s too hot in college to wear my coat. They crank up the heating in here like we are in the Arctic. I stroll out in a vest and scarf, coat in hand, my jumper tied round my waist. I grab a skinny latte and a double espresso for the buzz. When I get to my class it’s nearly empty. I think most of my course group are nocturnal, vampires, out at night and asleep during the day. I count five including me, not too bad a turnout for 9am. I drink my coffees and feel supercharged. I check the time on my phone and it’s nearly 09:20. I now think there is no class and since no one else appears to be doing anything I ring the department secretaries to find out where our teacher is.

  “Oh no,” she says, “he’s not in today”. So I write on the board, NO CLASS, big and clumsy in my marker pen that maybe shouldn’t be used on a whiteboard. I find myself with time to kill until my afternoon lesson starts. None of my college mates have shown up so early. I wish now I’d stayed in bed too, but then I think back to Benny who was sparko, snoring and farting like a terror. The lounge-about doesn’t start work usually until about ten, gets up at five minutes to. Instead I walk up the long main road to the local market. The morning drizzle has cleared and the sun shines cold in the fresh air. I say local, it’s a fair-a-long walk against the traffic. I stare back at the drivers that stare at me.

  I stroll on through the market. I can smell cut oranges on the fruit stalls and car exhaust from the road. The wide-boys at their stalls shout darling this and sweetheart that. I act deaf and take my phone out of my pocket. Scroll through to my rock. My brother Roberto. Ring ring, ring ring. I’ve forgotten it’s early. Ring ring, ring ring. Damn. He must have it on silent. I’ll fly round there. A quick bus ride and I’m at the steps to the basement front door. I can hear him snoring loud from here. I crouch down by the door, put my hand through the letterbox and feel for the key on a string. There was no need. As I push on the damp peeling wood, it’s open. Careless! And there he is on the small hard brown sofa, sprawled like a starfish belly up, head tilted back, mouth open, like a big O. I put the kettle on. I make us both coffees and carry the chipped blue and white mugs back into the lounge. He’s still lounging back and snoring. I steady the cups on the cluttered mantelpiece.

  BLAM! I leap on him. He takes two seconds to wake up. He squawks, grabs my arms, swings me round, my back on the sofa. He pins my wrists above my head with one big hand and starts poking me in the ribs until I scream. “Are you sorry?” He says.

  “No!” I scream.

  “You’re not sorry!?” He says.

  “Yes!” I scream.

  “You’re not sorry!!” He yells.

  “Ok ok, yes! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I scream and scream. He lets go. The upstairs neighbour starts banging something above and I think the ceiling might fall in like it did before. I laugh at the memory then listen. Where he’s gone? I hear him peeing with the door open and think he must be claustrophobic. I tell him about his coffee as I drink mine. I eat a stale digestive biscuit out of an already open packet on the squat brown coffee table. It makes me feel sick. “You been sleeping long?” I shout at him.

  “No,” he says.

  “Good,” I cheek.

  “It’s good you woke me,” he says. I stand and watch him put his big, short-shaven head under the mixer tap and rub it dry with a small brown towel. I shiver.

  “Where are we going?” He looks at me with a look that says you shouldn’t bother asking. He knows I’m going with him. I pass him his coffee and he sips it slow, like a granny, pinky lifted. I tell him. He threatens to chuck it over my head. I smile at him and lose myself in his intense sparkling silver-grey eyes.

  “Ok. Let’s get a move on Skit,” he says and we’re off. He drives a big, black, shiny wheeled, low slung car with a fat exhaust pipe. It growls like a beast which is not so good for me. I have to lie low in my seat and be ready to duck, just in case I see Benny or one of his crew. Benny knows I love him and knows Rob and me are just tight, tight as un-popped rosebuds maybe but brother and sister for Christ’s sake. He doesn’t care. He thinks like that, like something might be going on with my own brother. Sick I know, but he’ll have no problem slapping my face, burning my ear for not telling him or his mates making up some crap about seeing stuff they never did see. It’s crazy. They’re all crazy. Anyway, it’s just easier that he doesn’t know.

  “So, where are we going?” I ask impatiently.

  He answers, “Go and get Ruby.” His baby. I say baby she is in nursery now. I’ve known her since she was a tiny baby. I’m her Auntie Ella. Ellie she calls me, which I don’t mind. But no-one else is allowed to call me that. She stays with her grandparents most of the time now and Marcia lives there too sometimes, when she’s not shacked up with a new boyfriend.

  Rob says Ruby’s not at school today because it’s the teacher’s day off. “Ah… so that’s why my teacher’s not in today too. Must be college teachers as well...”

  “Erm, I don’t think it’s the same,” he says and looks at me, one eyebrow raised. “It’s something to do with the nursery’s teacher training. Not your college.”

  “Derr!” I say, “My college tutors are teachers, they get training too.”

  “I don’t think it’s the same,” he says again, exhaling, shaking his head. But I’m convinced. I’m not going back in to college today.

  “So where are we going?” I say.

  “I told you already, to get Ruby.”

  “No, I mean after we got her, where we going? Somewhere fun I hope.” In my head I think we could go to an amusement arcade or even to the coast for the day
. I can talk Rob into almost anything. I can taste sweet candyfloss and hear the fruit machines ring, the seagulls squawk and feel the dry sand under my bare feet and his phone rudely rings interrupting my dreamy thoughts. I tut and frown a little. He looks at me like what, and answers his phone. It’s a one-way conversation. He hardly speaks. Does not even say hello, just ‘yeah’ and ‘yeah’ again, he listens more, and then hangs up. I know better than to ask.

  When we get to Ruby’s house she’s not sitting in the bay window like usual. He batters on the door bosh-bosh and it rattles in its frame. Mrs. Diaz answers trying not to look scared but I see it in her eyes, fear illuminating them, as she half-hides behind the door. She’s wearing her baby blue dressing gown and matching fluffy slippers with the little heels. “Sorry. You’re wasting your time,” she says crossly. “Ruby’s not here. Or Marcia.”

  “Oh but Mrs. Diaz, we were going to go to the seaside today.” I say with disappointment clear in my voice. Rob looks at me like what? again and then turns back to Mrs. Diaz.

  “Where are they?” He says quietly and quickly, almost so I can’t hear. He raises his arm and plants an elbow into the corner of the door frame and puts his foot through the door. Mrs. Diaz sees what he’s done and doesn’t say anything. She just turns and walks into the house, down the hallway, to the kitchen, with Rob following. I wait outside and smoke a cigarette. I don’t like fireworks. In less than two minutes he’s back with a face like thunder. I jump off the wall and hug him round his middle. He acts indifferent but doesn’t push me away.

  “S’ok,” I whisper.

  “No, it’s not ok. It’s meant to be my weekend. They can’t mess me around like this,” he says. True, I think but say nothing. Rob looks like he might explode. I know he won’t but I know why. Jamie. Marcia’s new boyfriend. Jamie is trouble and all buddied-up with Tony, Marcia’s brother. Jamie, Tony and I think one other guy share a flat so Marcia goes there a lot. Marcia stays at home with her mum and Ruby the rest of the time.

  “Where are they? The flat? Where?” I ask. I have got bad feeling in my belly.

  Mrs Diaz says they might be at the Hovel. That’s possibly even worse.

  As we get there, before I’m even out of the car the thought of going in makes me shudder. Rob says, “You’re coming with me, right?” The thought repulses me but I will go. I’m his cool head. If Ruby is in there, I have to get her away quick, just in case anything kicks off. We walk together up the path. I tread carefully stepping aside the dog mess, beer cans, bottles, trying to keep to grass and solid ground and not the rubbish. Well I’m tiptoeing, Rob’s stomping his big, booted feet any place he likes. He hammers hard on the door and we wait about two minutes before someone with lots of dark hair on their head, face and body answers. I have no idea who this is, not one I’ve seen before. Rob just pushes past him and I totter in behind and say ‘Hi’ before going in quickly after Rob. It’s like walking into a brick wall of stench, smoke, weed and unwashed bodies. I walk speedily past the ferrets in the cage in the hallway. Rob’s already bounded up the stairs. I try to keep up and run two stairs at a time but he’s at the top before I’m even half way. I have a feeling I might be needed pretty soon.

  Rob has disappeared and I’m on the landing. Uh-oh. It’s Nanook and Misery, the two big black and white pitbulls who are now in front of me, barking, going mad, all wet face and jumping, trying to lick me. I push one off and the other jumps up. I think seriously about kicking them both down the stairs. Then I‘m toppled over on the floor, bumped on my butt, and trampled on by the big stinking mutts. My squawks go unanswered as I cover my face with my arms trying to scramble to my feet with no hands. No one comes to my rescue. I stagger fast into the nearest room. As I turn my head to look in, there are two people on a sofa, both looking at me and two people asleep, one in a chair, one on the floor. No Rob.

  “Hey, Skit,” one says. It’s Dean, a local drug dealer.

  “Hey... You see Rob?” I ask. He gets up, finally drawing the snuffly mutts’ attention away from me. I straighten up and dust myself down feeling filthy, sticky, drying my hands now covered in dog slobber on my jeans. The smell is awful. I need to wash them. Then I ask, “Is Ruby here?” waiting now to get both my questions answered.

  “I guess Rob went up. Ruby’s not here. Or Jamie.” The Liar Mrs. Diaz.

  “Where is he?” I say half-relieved, half really pissed off he’s not here after nearly getting dogged to death.

  “I ain’t his keeper.”

  “Too bad you’re…” Just then I hear Rob as he comes stomping back down the stairs.

  “Come on Skit let’s go,” he says, slapping me on the back hard before I finish what I was going to say. I’m not expecting this. Where’s the trouble? Rob doesn’t even acknowledge the people in the room. He’s already heading down the stairs and on his way out. I false smile goodbye at Dean and stare hard back at the other person sitting, whose freak eyes have been looking at me non-stop. I don’t smile at him, just shoot a tiny little Evil Eye, and run out of the house. Rob’s already in the car revving impatiently, sounding a bit like he’s at the start of a grand prix. I’ve barely sat down and shut the door and his tyres screech as he pulls away, going way too fast down this little parked up street. I smell the heat of burning rubber. Rob says nothing. I know better than to say anything. Give him a minute or two to get his thoughts straight so his head doesn’t explode. Even sympathetic little me does not want it blowing up right now. It’s certainly not the first time Mrs. Diaz has lied to him.

  I turn my head left and look out the window at the houses and some kids on skateboards and bikes, more than usual I think, must be because of the teacher-training day. We drive past the fried chicken shop. I think I see Mussafa inside mopping the floor and it makes me think of food. I’m always hungry and I know Rob’s is too but won’t admit it. “Let’s go someplace and get breakfast.” I say, brightly.

  “I’m not stopping,” he says.

  “Drive through?” I suggest, and so we go. He pulls up and lets me lean across and shout at the man in the little speaker. Two sausage and egg muffins. Two hash browns. One large coke. He repeats what I say and I say no, and say back the same things in a different order. Rob’s having none of it and pushes me firmly back to my seat and revs hard. ‘Thank you!’ I shout loud at the speaker-man as Rob whizzes on to the next window. Rob pays and we’re soon on our way again. I unwrap his food and give it to him, balancing everything carefully in my lap as we go. I’m trying hard not to mess up his immaculate car. I’m hoping he’s not going to notice the greasy fingerprint I’ve already put on the dash. “So are we going to the flat now?” I ask, but Rob doesn’t answer. I know it breaks his heart every time he thinks of that place and of Marcia, Jamie, and Ruby in their cosy set-up playing happy families.

  “No...” He answers so long after I spoke I forgot I even asked a question. He’s still raw. When Rob and Marcia broke up just five weeks ago Jamie dived right in. The fact barely a week had passed didn’t seem cross his mind. If it did, he knew then, it was just more salt rubbed in to Rob’s deep, raw hurt. Rob speaks again, “…yes,” he says. “Yes. We’re going to go there now.” I get a fresh fear in my belly but we drive on.

  I start to put a little more make-up on. “Don’t make a mess!” Rob grumbles. I have to wait until we stop at traffic lights to do the tricky parts, eyeliner and mascara. A few shrieks and tuts later I’m looking my best. I now more than ever need to wash my hands, so when we stop at a petrol station I quickly run in and ask the man if I can use his bathroom. He looks at me suspiciously but I switch on the smile offensive and he waves me through. I wash my hands then pee. Then wash my hands again, cursing my own stupidity. It’s very dark in this little room but it’s clean which means a lot. I suppose maybe still because it’s early. My bag is in the car with my phone, so I’m guessing it’s still early. I think ahead for elevenses time and before I get back in the car, I go back in the shop and buy for myself orange soda and a bar of milk c
hocolate. I go back to Rob who’s waiting in the car. I give him the can of full fat sugar charged energy drink I bought for him and he says, “Thanks, where’s my chocolate?” looking at mine, smiling. We can share it, I say, because he’s already started driving off, else I would’ve got out and bought him something more. But he’s not patient like that, never. Usually he doesn’t eat so much this early, not until lunchtime, but we’ll stop for something proper later. I’ll make sure of it.

  We’re back on our way to the pre-noon strike, to the home of the trolls, the witch and the trapped princess. Today is supposed to be the start of Rob’s weekend with Ruby. Usually he would pick her up after school from Mrs. Diaz. Of course her not being at school today has thrown this. Rob’s early morning wakeup call will shake up the routine of those layabout sprouts. We get to the flat. Jamie’s place is about a mile or so from where we live in a road a bit like ours, but with bigger houses, newer cars, and not so much rubbish in the road, no mattresses or broken furniture. We park up and I go and knock on the door. It’s on the first floor, up a steep flight of stone steps. Rob hangs back, takes his time, composing himself, whatever. I rat-a-tat-tat on the fibreglass with the plastic knocker. Ruby opens the door. “Hey baby!” I say, and she jumps and hops around from foot to foot with arms outstretched.

  She’s singing, “El-lie, El-lie, Ella-Ella, El-lie!” I reach forward, hug her and pick her light body up. Her hair smells of apples. I don’t see anyone else awake yet. Rob is still not with me, dawdling behind somewhere, gone back to get his phone from the car maybe. I step into the hallway.

  “Hello? Hello... Marcia? You there?” I peek through the slightly open bedroom door and I see a sight that would be sure to kill off completely Rob’s already broken heart. Marcia and Jamie are in bed together. Naked. Oh my God. Just at this moment I can hear Rob as he gets to the top of the steps. I think quick. “Hey Daddy!” I say, turning round with Ruby in my arms, putting her down.